weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
