How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
