So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
