Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
