So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
