he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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