he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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