just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize