all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize