I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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