I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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