butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
