Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
