What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
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