Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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