She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
