I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
