Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize