So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
