You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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