i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
