i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
