My entire life is one complicated drinking game
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
