I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
