What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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