You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
