I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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