its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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