i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
