I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
