my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
