I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
