Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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