I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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