so explain again why im purple
no
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
