We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
