I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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