Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
