I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
