I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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