I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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