I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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