last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
she pinky promised me she was 18
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
