I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
