Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
