Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
