i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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