Your dad touched me again.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i came on her dog
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize