Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Can Purell be used as lube?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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