Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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