Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
