we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
