Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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