she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
