I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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