I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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