So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
