I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
