So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
