Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
