You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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