Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
