I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
My vagina just recognized that song.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize