Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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