SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
