You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
