Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
