After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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