Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize