Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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