So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
