I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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