dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
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