My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize